Man-Rule: Don't Stick a Lungfish Up Your Butt

It's always interesting to us here at The Man Rules what types of things you see when you cruise around the Internet. Granted, there are metaphorical dark alleys off the Information Superhighway, areas that, frankly, we wouldn't venture into if we were wearing a full-body condom and armed with an AK-47, because they're just that scary.

But you'd think that sites such as MedicalDaily.com would be safe enough. I mean, it's medical, right? It's about healing, and advances in medicine, and what outstanding new diet Dr. Oz recommends, and such.

That's what we thought, too, until a couple of days ago, when we were horrified to read the headline:
"Doctors pull a South American lungfish out of a Brazilian man's bowels."

This is a lungfish. The mind boggles, doesn't it?

You read that correctly. Twelve little words, innocuous enough on their own, but when arranged in that particular order, they make you sit back and go "Huh." Because really, what else is there to say?

Apparently a Brazilian guy somehow got a lungfish stuck far up in his butt. God only knows what he was using as bait.

Anyway, at some point the lungfish became a nuisance ("Why do your poots smell like the river, Ramon?"), and the guy went to the doctor, who promptly passed out, because we guarantee you they didn't cover THIS in medical school.

No, we're sure the doctor was completely professional and helpful. According to the story, written by Justin Caba, doctors at Hospital Universitario in Londrina, Brazil, removed the fish ... which was TWO FEET LONG. And that's not the worst part ... the lungfish was STILL ALIVE. And THAT'S not the worst part ... there's a VIDEO of the REMOVAL.

Now that we've used up all the capital letters we've been allotted for this update, we feel the need to inform those of you new to this little blog that we covered a situation very similar to this waaaay back in April of 2013, with the now-legendary Man-Rule: Never Stick an Eel Up Your Butt.

At the time, we truly thought that Man-Rule covered the important point; namely, don't stick weird things up your butt. Sadly, we see now that we didn't really get to the heart of the matter. We were too specific -- by singling out the swamp-eel, we left doubt in the minds of many guys (or at least one guy in Brazil).

"The Man Rules says I shouldn't stick an eel up my butt," the Brazilian guy no doubt thought, "but it doesn't say anything about lungfish! So that must be okay! And it doesn't say anything about live animals, as opposed to dead animals, so that must be okay too!"

We think part of the blame for this incident has to lie with whoever came up with the name "lungfish." By including a body part in the fish's name, that naturally leads some Brazilian guys to wonder about parts of their body, and how the fish and the body parts would interact. With tragic results.

We're just praying that there's not something called a buttfish out there. And if there is, we don't want to know where Brazilian guys might stick it.

(c) 2014 John Puckett