Man-Rule: Don't Be Stupid, Part III

Here at The Man Rules, we try not to focus too strongly on any one Rule for a long time; if we've mentioned a Rule recently, we usually don't go back to that well right away. Sometimes, though, you've just got to pick that low-hanging fruit when it whaps you in the face.

Our last update featured the Man Rule "Don't Be Stupid." It seems as though, despite our best efforts to educate guys, some of you still don't follow the Rules, and in particular this one.

About 50 years ago, the first microwave ovens were sold commercially. At that time, they were used primarily to heat water and to cause marshmallows to explode. This was their main function through the early 1980s, when they began to be used also to create sparks from wads of tinfoil.

Marketers of microwave ovens were careful not to overstate their product's capabilities and features - for example, you never saw an ad touting the usefulness of the microwave in fixing an automobile transmission, or programming a VCR. And, by and large, people never automatically assumed a microwave could do such things anyway. You never heard someone say "Earl, I noticed your VCR clock is still flashing '12:00'; did you know you can put your VCR in the microwave and it'll set it to the right time for you?" Even if you did hear someone say that, Earl would refuse to do it, because he knew without even thinking about it that it was a stupid idea. Plus he had already tried it, and couldn't get the VCR to fit in there.

Now, though, people (including many guys) have lost the ability to think for themselves. We refer here to a recent spate of complaints by owners of the iPhone 6, who heard about an amazing feature of the device: You could charge it by putting it in the microwave.

Needless to say, this isn't true. Not only that, Apple is actually getting angry emails from people, who are for some reason convinced the company owes them a new phone after they cooked theirs. Here are some examples:

"Dear Apple, You didn't specify what setting to use in the microwave to charge my phone, so I used 'Popcorn.' Now my phone doesn't work, and every time I try to text my girlfriend I burn my fingers. Please send me a new phone."

"Dear Apple: You jerks. The microphone-charging app didn't work right on my iPhone 6, and now whenever I try to play Angry Birds I keep seeing the ending of the movie Dr. Strangelove. Pay me money."

"Dear Apple: After I charge my phone in the microwave, will it download the really 'HOT' photos of these celebrities I keep hearing about?"

So, just in case you're one of the mindless consumers who waited in line to buy the iPhone 6 the instant it came out and now want to try this amazing new microwave-charging feature, heed our warning: Don't be stupid.

However, you should know that if you put your iPhone 6 AND your microwave in your car overnight, they will fix your transmission. Go on! Try it!

I'd do it for you, but I'm still trying to program the clock on my VCR.

(c) 2014 John Puckett

The Man Rules: Charging iPhones since 1967
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