Man-Rule: Know How to Grill, Part II

 Last time we got together, I began discussing the all-important Man-Rule: Know How to Grill. Today we'll continue with a look at another key aspect of grilling: meat preparation.

As we discussed before, you want your grill hot. How hot is "hot"? Excellent question. It can be best answered by the ancient schoolyard chant, invented by noted chantmaker Joseph Schoolyard:

"H-O-T
That is me
You can't see
The heat on me
Because I'm so hot I've already fried your eyeballs."

Once you get your grill good and hot, you’ll want to figure out some way to put the meat on without you yourself bursting into flames. I recommend a catapult, but far be it from me to dictate how you handle that.

Speaking of the meat, you should prepare the meat prior to starting your grill. Now that I think about it, I probably should have started with “meat preparation” rather than “getting your grill good and hot.” Tell you what - once you finish reading this entry, go back and read the other part (linked above) again, and pretend you haven't read this one yet.

There are a variety of rubs, sauces, sprinkles, marinades and other methods of imparting a bold, hearty flavor to the meat you grill. I definitely recommend using these, although I can’t tell you which one(s), because I’m always outside trying to get the grill going while my lovely and talented wife Kristin is inside preparing the meat. Maybe you should call her before your next barbecue and ask her what she uses. Although, come to think of it, that might not be the best idea either, because if a bunch of guys start calling our house at all hours, asking for my wife and saying “How do you prepare your meat,” I’m probably going to swear out a warrant for your arrest.

Okay! Now that you’ve got your meat ready, it’s time to start cooking. Cooking on the grill requires a deft touch, an exquisite sense of timing, and the ability to sustain third-degree burns without whimpering. Your goal should be to create a nice even char on the outside, while maintaining a juicy tenderness on the inside. In addition to your fingers, though, you’ll want the meat to cook properly too. The handy chart below should help guide you when cooking different types of meat:

Meat	Thickness	Grill Temperature	Time to Cook
Steak	1"	Hot	4 minutes per side
Chicken	1"	Hot	240 seconds per side
Pork loin	1"	Hot	2 minutes per side2
Ribs (4)	1"	Hot	1 minute per rib
Hamburger	1"	Hot	30 seconds per side; flip 16 times
Hot dog	1"	Hot	Take it off the grill just before it bursts into flames like a roadside flare
Your thumb and/or fingers	Varies	Hot	1 second

Using this guide will help guarantee that you and your guests will enjoy a relaxing backyard barbecue, free from pesky flies and mosquitoes, because they will have been driven away by the fragrant smoke wafting from your burning hands and/or hair.

Tune in next time as we finish out this three-part series on Know How to Grill, with the aptly named Part III, in which I share some key grilling tips and techniques I've learned over the past 30 years. True, I've only been grilling about 10 years, but I watched a lot of Julia Child episodes before that, so I'm sure the information will be amazingly helpful to you. Happy grilling!

(c) 2012 John Puckett