Man-Rule: No Tattoos, Part II

A while back we posted the Man-Rule about not getting a tattoo. (It's around here someplace ... hang on, we'll find it at some point ... Ah! Here it is.) As we expected, this generated some discussion and good-natured bantering ("What's wrong with a tattoo?" "Nothing, as long as you realize your 'artist' misspelled half the words in your four-word masterpiece.").

And at the risk of offending the members of the Tattoo & Artists Collective Local Union Brotherhood (or as they're known by their acronym, the "T&A CLUB"), we feel it's time once again to point out that a Man shouldn't have a tattoo. Why, you ask? Because having a tattoo can cause you to be convicted of murder.

Okay, that's probably overstating things a bit. According to this story in the Kansas City Star, Jeffrey Chapman is on trial for a 2011 murder, and his lawyer is concerned that his tattoo could be prejudicial to the jury. Why? Because Jeffrey has the word "MURDER" tattooed in reverse on his neck. Check it out:

Now, I'm sure Jeffrey is a fine, upstanding member of society, but let's face it ... having somebody tattoo the word "MURDER" on your neck isn't a hallmark of one of the world's leading intellects. Particularly if there's even the remotest possibility that you might indeed be on trial for murder at some point in the future.

We here at The Man Rules realize this won't dissuade the more adamant tattoo defenders among our readers. "It's my body!" they proclaim. "Tattoos are an expression of my individuality! I'm a living artwork!"

Fine, whatever, blah blah blah. Get your unicorns or flowers or ancient Chinese ideograms needled onto you by Red Dog down at the tattoo parlor. As a public service, though, allow us to list a few things you shouldn't get tattooed on your body, particularly if you anticipate facing a jury at some point.

OFFICIAL MAN-RULES LIST OF TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO GET TATTOOED 

ON YOUR BODY IF YOU'LL EVER BE ON TRIAL

1. "I did it."
2. "Juries suck."
3. "Acquit me or I'll kill you too."
4. Unicorns (because nobody likes a tattoo of a unicorn. Trust us on this. If you have a tattoo of a unicorn, your friends are lying to you about how much they like it. They make fun of you behind your back. If that's where the tattoo is, they're pointing at it while they make fun of you behind your back.)
5. A depiction of the crime itself, because eventually somebody WILL notice this  
6. A picture of the victim's face with the circle-slash "No" symbol across it
7. A picture of Jeffrey Chapman's face
8. A picture of Adolph Hitler's face
9. The lyrics to any song by Black Sabbath
10. The lyrics to any song by Menudo
11. Any of George Carlin's Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television

(c) 2014 John Puckett