You know what caused this? Global Warming.

So as many of you are aware, last week saw a hugely apocalyptic snowstorm hit central Alabama. We're talking in excess of two inches of snow accumulating in many places.

Now, I'm sure those of you who live in cold-weather places like Chicago or Minneapolis or Bora Bora scoff at a measly two-inch snowfall. If a two-inch snowfall were a handkerchief, you'd blow your nose on it and then use it to wipe your heinie to show your disdain. 

But you gotta understand, in Alabama, two inches of snow is a big deal. We're Southerners, for pete's sake. We can handle barbecue, and college football, and NASCAR, and other manly things, but you show us thirteen snowflakes stuck together and we faint like a Yankee debutante being threatened with a seriously dirty handkerchief.

Besides, this wasn't an ordinary snowstorm. It was more of an ice-and-snow storm, and our roads got covered with a layer of ice faster than you can say "Zamboni." And of course, this happened in the morning, just about the time office workers were settling in with their second Krispy Kreme doughnut. And we weren't prepared for it, because our Fearless Weather Forecasters had all said "Maybe -- MAYBE -- we'll get a light dusting of snow on parked cars and some slow-moving livestock. Nothing to worry about here! Nosirree!"

So schools began closing at 10:30 and sending out frantic messages to parents saying "Come get your kids! We're closing! Why aren't you here already! Get your kids now before we shove them into a snowbank and lock the doors behind them! GET YOUR KIDS! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING!" And dutiful parents immediately ran to their cars, slipped on the ice as they tried to open their car doors, started the cars up, put them into "Drive," and then stopped.

Because everyone else in the central Alabama area was doing the same thing, creating rush hour at 11 a.m. A rush hour being conducted on two inches of ice. It's not unusual to see traffic at a standstill on major highways like I-20, I-65, and Highway 280 in Birmingham. It IS unusual to see it come to a standstill and then start sliding backwards down the hill. Folks were abandoning cars left and right (and front and back) and trying to walk home, or to a gas station, or to the nearest mall, because nothing was moving on the roadways. True story: A friend of mine was stuck in traffic on the interstate. She watched a woman get out of her car beside her, walk across the interstate to a nearby mall, go into a store, and then walk back to her car a while later with a small bag from Macy's. The entire thing took about an hour, and cars hadn't budged the entire time. I mean, traffic was going NOWHERE. 

Thankfully, the creative folks in Alabama didn't let a little snow and ice (that hung around for two days, which is ALSO a sign of the apocalypse in the South) stop them from poking fun at the situation. Here are some of the best images culled from Twitter and Facebook last week:

And my personal favorite:

But fortunately the snow and ice eventually melted, and everything went back to normal (well, relatively speaking, anyway). And then today, at 1:30, the forecasters started cranking it back up again. "Possibility of a winter event." "Snow flurries possible." So of course the whole thing started up again, with the exception of the snow and ice actually making an appearance this time. We had about five minutes of flurries, and that was it. 

One of the local radio personalities tweeted: "People are abandoning their cars on Hwy. 280 in advance today to make sure they get a good spot."

So that was the Great Alabama Snowstorm of 2014. As natural disasters go, it wasn't much of such, but we lived through it, and we're danged proud. 

Now if I can just figure out how to get these snow chains off my five-year-old's tricycle. 

(c) 2014 John Puckett