Man-Rule: Don't Make Fun of the Way Somebody Looks, Part V

Based on a review of some of the email I've been getting here at The Man Rules, I think it's time once again to discuss a recurring Rule: Don't Make Fun of the Way Somebody Looks. (Frankly, some of the email also indicates it's probably time to re-examine the doses of prescription medication a few of you are taking, but that's a topic for another time.)

As you know, we've covered this Rule several times, using such examples as Mel Kiper Jr. resembling Sam the Eagle, and Verne Lundquist bearing a striking resemblance to the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man. Despite these horrifyingly accurate observations, many of you continue to break this Rule.

The New York mayoral election (official theme: "Making Corruption Legal is Job One") is garnering a lot of attention lately, what with Anthony Weiner sending photos of his last name to people AGAIN, and because whoever runs New York will control the world's third-largest army of insolent cab drivers. So this election is a matter of global concern.

Which is probably why so many people tuned in to the recent mayoral debate, and were introduced for the first time to candidate John Catsimatidis:

And despite our continued emphasis on not making fun of people for their looks, many readers are CONVINCED that he is the love child of Jon Lovitz:

and Jabba the Hutt:

I cannot stress too strongly that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. Not only could it be hurtful to Mr. Catsimatidis (whose last name can be rearranged to spell "I Sit Acid Mats"), but it could also cause him to become angry and encase every resident of New York in carbonite if he were to win.

So please, consider the harm these types of comparisons (as impressive as they might be) can do to innocent civilians, not to mention the cab drivers, and try to refrain.

And Jon Lovitz: If you're reading this, please contact me. I've got a killer idea for a new sitcom for you –it's about the corrupt coach of a sports team in the Star Wars universe who uses a vorpal blade to cut off the heads of opposing players. I call it "Jabbahockey."

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(c) 2013 John Puckett