Man-Rule: Have a Lot of Money, Part IV

Can you feel the excitement in the air? It feels a lot like humidity, doesn't it? That's because it's June here in Alabama, and the air is 114 percent water vapor, with the temperature hovering around 95. Technically it's not even "air" any more; at this temperature and with this water content, it's called "soup."

But things are exciting nonetheless, because today we're wrapping up The Man Rules' four-part series on How to Have a Lot of Money. So settle in with your nice hot bowl of air and read on!

Simple Job #4 to Become Rich: Lottery Winner

Frankly, this may be the best option of the four ways to become rich. Lottery winners don’t face any of the supervillain problems of millionaire playboys; they don’t have to deal with the stress of being with gorgeous naked actresses for twelve hours a day in the Bahamas, like famous movie stars; and they don’t face the prospect of jail or death like drug kingpins.

I will concede there is a bit of luck involved in being a lottery winner. You don’t want to win a crappy lottery that only pays $15 million, because what’s the point in that? Once you pay taxes, buy a mansion, buy a yacht and buy a limousine, you barely have $5 million left. No, you want to win something like the MegaSuperUltraPowerball that pays $300 million. True, once you pay taxes, buy a mansion, buy a yacht and buy a limousine, you’ll still only have $5 million left, but the prestige of being the MegaSuperUltraPowerball winner will vault you over all the other lottery winners. I’m sure you’ll get envious looks from everybody else at the annual Lottery Winners Convention held in scenic Flagstaff, Arizona (hosted by Wink Martindale).

And, to show you how generous and kind I am, I will provide you with the numbers that are GUARANTEED to win a lottery. I won't even charge you for them. Here they are: 5 - 18 - 21 - 25 - 30 - 41. How can I do this, you ask? Because these numbers won the lottery in 1997.

So there you go – not only have I given you the most important rule to Being a Man, I’ve also outlined four ways you can follow that rule. I won’t presume to advise you on which option to take to Have a Lot of Money, because a real Man wants to forge his own destiny. A real Man wants to lay his hand on the tiller of his fate and chew his own cud. A real Man wants to do it himself and tend to his own knitting. That’s just the kind of independent, take-charge, no-holds-barred, bow-to-no-one free spirits we are ... once we're independently wealthy. Until then, we suck up to pretty much everybody.

(c) 2013 John Puckett