Remember the 80s comedy Weird Science, in which Anthony Michael Hall and some other guy played two nerds who used a computer to create a dream woman? Apparently Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o thought that was a documentary.
Manti and Notre Dame announced today that his girlfriend, Lennay Kukua -- who locked eyes with Manti during a 2009 football game at Stanford, causing both to immediately fall in love, who suffered a debilitating car accident and subsequently discovered she had leukemia, who fought a valiant battle against the disease and conversed frequently with Manti during her hospital stays, who died earlier this year and inspired him to play football with a passion, who Manti said was "with him" in spirit as he played through his terrible emotional pain, and who is the subject of the longest explanatory clause in the history of blogs -- THAT Lennay Kukua, was as fictional as Notre Dame's chances against Alabama in the BCS national championship game.
Manti's story at the moment is that he didn't know his girlfriend wasn't real, and that he was completely fooled. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that makes Manti look dumber than ... well, dumber than a Notre Dame football player.
I mean, COME ON, how do you not know your girlfriend is imaginary? Didn't he catch on that he always had to call her, and that she never called him? Didn't he realize he was always the one that wanted to snuggle, or steal a quick smooch, or hold hands? Didn't a penny drop for him when he tried to put a friendship ring on her finger and it just fell to the ground?
Manti's lack of intelligence might be hereditary, though, because according to statements by both him and his dad a few months ago, Lennay came to Hawaii at least once to visit the family. Didn't they notice when they went to the airport to pick her up that she had WAAAY less luggage than the average girl traveling to Hawaii? Didn't they realize when they drove back to their house they had the same number of people in the car as they did when they left?
The other alternative, of course, is that Manti knew all along his girlfriend wasn't real, and he just used the story to gain sympathy (and possible Heisman votes). That CAN'T be the case, though; surely to goodness he read my blog post from earlier this year about lying (specifically, not to do it).
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we create a girlfriend out of whole cloth who dies tragically and who makes us a sympathetic figure and helps us get onto the cover of Sports Illustrated. Farewell, Lennay. We hardly knew ye.
(c) 2013 John Puckett
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