Man-Rule: Never Lie

One of the most telling attributes of a Man is his total commitment to absolute honesty at all times. Regardless of the possible consequences to him, a Man will always tell the truth.

Let me give you an example from my own life when I didn't follow this Rule. When I was a sophomore in college, I accidentally broke my toe. No, wait ... let me rephrase that. Saying "I accidentally broke my toe" makes it sound like there also would be a situation in which I would break my toe on purpose, which is stupid. I had an accident, and it broke my toe.

What happened was, one weekend at my parents' house I was walking past a couch while barefooted, and I accidentally kicked the wooden leg of the couch. Hang on ... that's the wrong way to put it. Again, it makes it sound like there could be a situation in which I would kick a couch leg on purpose, which would be fairly stupid as well. Not as stupid as breaking my toe on purpose, but it's up there on the stupidity scale.

Anyway, I didn't allow enough room to walk past the couch, and I kicked its leg with my bare foot, breaking my little toe (also known by its medically approved Latin name, the "pinky toe"). Now, I don't know if you've ever really thought about your little toe that much. I can tell you I hadn't given either of my little toes much consideration before this. They were just little appendages on my feet that didn't do anything. Once my little toe was broken, though, I realized just how important they are, because it was physically impossible to take a step without experiencing excruciating pain. Little toes are routinely used as torture points by Godless Communists and Notre Dame fans when they capture one of the good guys.

So I went to the doctor to have my little toe fixed. When he asked, "What's the trouble today?" and I took off my sock (because wearing a shoe was an impossibility) to show him my little toe, he grunted. The other four toes were pointing pretty much straight ahead, while my little toe was staring off to the left at about a 60-degree angle, apparently reading the doctor's diploma on the wall.

"Looks like you've broken your little toe," he said. Bear in mind that he went to college AND medical school, which is what allowed him to make snap diagnoses like this. Untrained morons such as you or I would never have thought to zero in on the problem so efficiently.

So in exchange for roughly 400 American dollars (380 of which were paid by my insurance company), he performed the medical miracles we've come to expect from our healthcare industry, by which I mean he yanked the little toe back to its regular position (thus preventing it from finishing its perusal of the diploma on the wall) and taped it to the toe next to it. Then he said "It will be difficult to walk on for about two weeks; I suggest getting some crutches."

So when I went back to college that next Monday, I was on crutches. All for a broken little toe. My friends would ask me what happened, and I (being honest) would say "I broke my little toe. Kicked a couch leg." They thought this was hilarious, and made me repeat over and over the sound I made when the doctor yanked my toe back into alignment.

After a couple days of this, I got tired of being laughed at. And this is where I broke the Man Rule, and learned the importance of always telling the truth. One of my friends, Hallie, hadn't heard about my toe, and when she saw me and asked what happened, I told her I'd broken my toe rescuing a baby from a burning building. Hallie seemed pretty impressed by my bravery, and pretty soon she told other folks about my heroism. Unfortunately, the two stories got morphed together shortly thereafter, and I learned that what people were hearing was that I'd kicked a baby in an attempt to get out of a burning building.

How much simpler and easier would it have been if I'd been upfront and honest from the beginning? A lot, that's how much. Although, now that I come to think of it, if I'd've told the baby-and-burning-building story from the beginning, that would have been simple and easy, too. But then this Man-Rule would have been "Never Lie Unless It Makes You Look Really Good," which probably isn't the best way to live your life. Are you listening, Manti Te'o?

Edit, Update and Newsflash (7/15/13):

Check out my recently published e-book The Man Rules. Don't be the last on your block to own this soon-to-be international bestseller! Act now, quantities are limited! To preview the book (and possibly buy! Buying is good!), just click here.

(c) 2012 John Puckett