Female Badminton Players: The ‘Bad Boys’ of the Olympics

So we’re in the middle of the London Olympics, and as usual, those international ‘bad boys’ of sports, female badminton players, have caused yet another scandal.

I don’t know why this surprises anybody – for decades, female badminton players have had a well-deserved reputation for bad behavior. You may remember that it was female badminton players who, in 1871, threw a torch on Mrs. O’Leary’s cow and caused the Great Chicago Fire. And, of course, who could ever forget how female badminton players invaded Poland in 1939 and started World War II?

With this kind of track record, it’s no wonder the current crop of female badminton players are meaner than Gene Hackman’s character in the movie “The Quick and the Dead.” For years, I have lobbied to have women’s badminton removed from the Olympic Games, because I knew it was only a matter of time before this event created strife and woe.

And sure enough, here we are. Eight female badminton players – two from China, two from Indonesia and four from South Korea – have been disqualified and sent home because they weren’t “doing their best to win a match,” according to Olympic officials. Supposedly the four two-person teams were trying to lose a match so they’d play easier opponents in the later rounds and have a better chance at winning a medal.

Some spectators, who don’t know the depths of depravity to which female badminton players will stoop, were shocked by this. “It’s so disappointing for the people who came to see it (badminton),” said Tina Button of Ashford, just outside London. “It leaves a bit of a sour taste.”

Yes! People actually went to watch the women’s badminton matches! I was as amazed as you are.

I don’t know why Tina Button and others are surprised, though. What sort of ethics or morals can we expect from female badminton players, especially those who wear outfits like this:

I’m pretty sure there’s an entire book of the Bible – probably in the Old Testament – that explains why those uniforms are a sin.

So, anyway, now that the taint of unsportsmanlike female badminton players has been removed from these Olympic Games, the International Olympic Committee can go back to its honorable and noble job of maintaining the integrity of sports by accepting huge cash bribes from countries who want to host the Olympics. 

As for me, I’m washing my hands of this whole Olympics thing. Instead, I’ll focus on good old American sports, where teams would never even DREAM of intentionally tanking a game or messing with their roster to better position themselves for the future. Right, Indianapolis Colts?

(c) 2012 John Puckett