Man-Rule: Don't Get Drunk

With St. Patrick's Day coming up - if my calculations are correct, it's tomorrow - it seems an appropriate time to discuss an important Man-Rule: Dont Get Drunk.

Many guys place a HUGE emphasis on turning 18 or 21 or whatever the age is in your state and finally being able to buy alcohol legally. While that’s an important milestone, it’s also important to note that being able to drink legally doesn’t make you a Man. For one thing, many women are also able to drink legally, thanks to the 19th Amendment to the Constitution. Or maybe it’s the 18th. It’s the one about women having the same rights as Men to drink, whichever one that is.

Anyway, the important thing to remember about drinking is, just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it – especially not to excess. Getting drunk is NOT Manly.

Now, I’m going to be completely honest with you here: I’ve never been drunk. In fact, I don’t drink alcohol, period. I’m a Baptist, and we don’t believe in drinking. Of course, if we Baptists actually stuck to our guns about a lot of things we say we believe, you could identify us immediately in any crowd, because we’d be the people who weren’t having any fun whatsoever.

It’s always amused me that some Baptist preachers will go out of their way to try to explain Jesus drinking wine in the Bible. On the one hand, these preachers will swear up and down that the Bible is the infallible, holy word of God, and then the next week they’re telling you that when it says Jesus was drinking wine, it really means “grape juice.” Can’t have it both ways, guys.

So I can’t point to any deep-seated religious conviction on my part for not drinking. For me, it boils down to two main issues:

1) Whenever people have tried to get me to drink something alcoholic, they always say “Now you have to drink it a while before you get used to the taste of it.” I’ve never understood that logic. Why am I going to voluntarily continue to consume something that tastes BAD to me to start with? I have a hard enough time taking cough syrup, and I know it’s really for my own good. Why would I want to drink something (that’s usually WAAAY more expensive than, say, Diet Coke) that tastes bad, could cause me to pass out, leave me with a pounding headache, and possibly throw up? I’m not seeing the benefits here.

2) (And this is actually the main reason) Drinking can cause you to get drunk. And nobody is Manly when they’re drunk.

Think about it: When’s the last time you were at a party with some guy who was 12 sheets to the wind? He’s generally making a fool of himself, right? How many people, watching him pound out the air-guitar solo to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” while he’s wearing nothing but tighty-whiteys and one flip-flop, are saying to themselves “Now THERE is a real Man.” How desirable is he to the ladies present? Does he even realize there ARE ladies present? Does he even realize he’s NOT Rick Astley? (Assuming he’s not, that is. If you’re ever at a party with a drunk Rick Astley, please call me, because I have GOT to see that.)

Edit, Update and Newsflash (7/15/13):

This Man-Rule, and 49 others (many of which haven't been published elsewhere!), are available in the newly published e-book The Man Rules. Don't be the last on your block to own this soon-to-be international bestseller! Act now, quantities are limited! To preview the book (and possibly buy! Buying is good!), just click here.

(c) 2013 John Puckett