It's time once again for another exciting edition of "Don't Take a Job You're Not Qualified to Do"! Try to control your anticipation; we're still mopping up the Weewee of Joy from the last time we did this.
As you know, periodically here at The Man-Rules we take a look at people (guys, usually) who are trying to do jobs they just can't. It's not their fault, really; nobody told them that some jobs require actual skills. We started this little tradition by talking about the replacement refs in the National Football League, and the amazing end to a Monday Night Football game; we continued it with a look at a clueless pharmacist. This time, I've got not one, not two, but THREE amazing but true instances of people ignoring this vital Rule.
Instance #1: In the 2013 Outback Bowl, the South Carolina Gamecock were playing the Michigan Wolverines. Late in the game, Michigan was trying to get a first down, and didn't make it. Want proof? Take a look at this official measurement:
The red arrows there show the difference between where the ball is, and where it needs to be to make a first down. It has to be at least touching that big orange thermometer. But it's not. As you can see.
Unfortunately, the referee (the guy in the striped shirt with the big white "R" on it, AKA Stevie Wonder) doesn't see this. He's standing there giving the Official International Symbol for "first down." He's also simultaneously motioning for security guards to come protect him from Steve Spurrier, the South Carolina coach, who is charging towards him with his finger pointed, clearly about to attempt to gouge out the referee's non-existent eyes.
Fortunately, this blown call didn't affect the outcome of the game; South Carolina won, proving once again the superiority of all things Southern. All things, that is, that don't require us to talk fast, or think, or anything.
Instance #2: For the first time in my life, I was able to go to a Super Bowl at watch it live. I had waited my whole life for this opportunity. Finances being what they are, I wasn't able to buy a ticket for the entire game; I could only afford a ticket for a portion of the third quarter. But no matter - I was going to see a Super Bowl in person!
Below is a photo I took of the exciting action during the portion of the game my ticket allowed me to watch. Technically, I wasn't supposed to take a camera into the game, so don't tell anybody about this:
Yes, the only time I was actually in the Louisiana Superdome to watch the Super Bowl was during the 34 minutes when the power was out. Apparently the guy in charge of lighting for the most important sporting event of the year forgot to pay the power bill.
Bitter? Me? Please. You don't know me very well if you think something like this would cause me to be bitter. So I missed my one and only chance to watch the Super Bowl in person. Big deal. I just went back to my hotel room after my 34-minute ticket expired (ironically, as I was walking out of the stadium, the lights came back on) and plopped down on the bed to watch the game on TV. Unfortunately, my hotel was apparently the source of the power outage that affected the Superdome, so I didn't have power there either.
Instance #3: This one didn't affect the outcome of a major sporting event, and I didn't have to pay an arm and a leg for it, either. But still, it's troubling, because it seems so mundane, and yet it highlights the lack of attention to detail that is causing this country to crumble from the inside out and allowing us to be passed by third-rate countries like Lebanon and Turkey and North America when it comes to intelligence and knowledge and intelligence and stuff.
I've been eating some M&Ms while I was writing this blog entry. And I'm sorry to say this, but quality control at the M&Ms plant is terrible, because almost half of my M&Ms are misspelled. They have a little "W" on them, rather than an "M."
Maybe I could recoup the cost of my Super Bowl ticket by hiring out as an editor for the M&M folks.
(c) 2013 John Puckett
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