Man-Rule: Frown a Lot

One of the best ways to appear Manly is to be serious much of the time. Not ALL of the time, of course - being serious all of the time would make you an accountant, or a climatologist in the employ of Al Gore, or someone like that. Trust me - those guys are NEVER the object of appreciation and desire by women.

But you do want to appear serious a fair amount of the time, because this enhances Manliness. And one great way to appear serious is to frown a lot.

Do you remember the outstanding true-life documentary film trilogy The Lord of the Rings? If you do, you’ll remember that the really cool Men in the film, like Aragorn and Boromir (played by Gandalf and Frodo, respectively), almost never smiled – they always looked grim and foreboding, like they were having particularly painful gas. The hobbits, on the other hand, were always cheerful and happy and smiled much of the time, gamboling around like they didn't have a care in the world, while Middle-Earth was being menaced by Megatron. The hobbits acted this way because they had no problems passing gas. This was a well-established fact about hobbits at that time. There’s a reason that almost all of the hobbits’ homeland, the Shire, was outdoors. If you know what I mean.

The point is, nobody thought the hobbits were cool, even when two of them were so flatulent they caused all the trees in a forest to pull up their roots in an effort to get away from the smell. The trees wound up stampeding all over the bad guys, winning a major battle. Nobody thanked the hobbits, though. And when two OTHER hobbits wound up saving all of Middle-earth by blowing up the volcanic Mount Doom with a particularly noxious butt-belch, everybody celebrated the victory - but they did it outdoors, on top of a mountain, so the wind could whip away any lingering odors.

Do you remember the popular Halloween costumes those years that The Lord of the Rings was playing? Everybody wanted to be Aragorn; nobody wanted to be Pippin the Pooting Hobbit. Why? Because Aragorn was cool. And why was he cool? He frowned a lot.

See for yourself:

Aragorn - Frowning and Manly

 

Pippin - Smiling (probably gassy) and not Manly

 

 

So frowning is cool and Manly, and you should do it a lot if you want to be a Man. Plus, as I’m sure you’ve heard many times from overly perky corporate trainer types, frowning takes more muscles to do than smiling. So by frowning, you’re actually working out your muscles and burning calories, which can help you get abs. Which is another important part of being a Man, and I should write a post about that. I really should have done it before this one, or at least before mentioning abs in this one. Okay, pretend you didn't read the part about abs. Or consider it foreshadowing. Which is another cool thing Men do.

(c) 2012 John Puckett