Nobody ever said being a Man was easy. If it was, anybody (including Liberace and Janet Reno) could do it. No, being a Man means making sacrifices, overcoming your base desires, forgoing the quick and easy path to gratification. And part of that means not looking at porn.
Now, I could feed you a lot of gobbledygook here about why it’s bad to look at porn. Sociologists have told us for years that porn can create and foster an unrealistic and sometimes misogynistic view of women, and that it can become an addiction every bit as detrimental to your mental and spiritual well-being as heroin or cocaine, and that the multi-billion-dollar porn industry subjugates and demeans women, and that porn has a negative effect on society as a whole.
All those points may be true (although honestly, they’re so boring that I dozed off while I was typing them, so I’m guessing you didn’t even read that whole paragraph), but none of them are REAL reason a Man doesn’t look at porn. The REAL reason is much more dangerous, much more insidious, and has the potential to impact a guy on many levels. It can be summed up in three little words:
You’ll get caught.
It may be your wife, or your girlfriend, or your wife’s girlfriend , or your child, or your mother, or your mother-in-law, or your pastor, or your next-door-neighbor … but eventually, SOMEBODY is going to walk in on you while you’re watching a movie or “reading” a magazine or visiting a Website. And nobody will believe you when you say you’re a sociologist doing research on how bad porn is for society.
The other problem is, as Chris Rock has noted, no matter how well you hide your porn-related material, eventually somebody will find it. You’ll come home from work one day to find your wife sitting at the computer, and she’ll look at you with a cheerful smile and exclaim brightly, “Hi, dear! Apparently you forgot to clear your browser history last night when you were done ‘putting the final touches on that report for work,’ and when I logged on this morning to email my mother I was immediately taken to the Bondage Babes on Mars Website! How about that! I had no idea that Martians had eight-foot-long tentacles with nipple-pinching appendages on the end of them! Or that you were interested in things like that! Fortunately, I’ve invited my mother to come visit us for a while, and she’ll be flying in tomorrow so we can look over some of the other sites you’ve been clicking on! She’s interested in the Sex-Starved Sorority Sluts site, although Marjorie Watson – you remember her, the pastor’s wife? – wants to learn more about Lusty Latex Lesbians, and we all want to know more about these MILF women. So we’ll probably have lots of questions for you, since you seem to be the expert on all these things!”
One note: Your wife may SOUND chipper when she says all this, but believe me, she’s not. She’s also not kidding – she’s emailed a screenshot of your browser history to every woman in her contact list. It will be a cold day in Hell before you live this one down.
So the next time you’re tempted to click that link, or buy that DVD, or thumb through that magazine, just remember what a big gossip Marjorie Watson is. And if you feel yourself starting to weaken, etc., remember – neither Liberace NOR Janet Reno looked at pictures or movies of naked women. Surely you can be a better Man than them, right?
(c) 2012 John Puckett
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