Once again we come across a Man-Rule that you would THINK would be self-evident, but apparently it's not.
Last time, if you recall, the self-evident Rule was Never Stick an Eel Up Your Butt. I have to admit, I'm not sure that one will ever be topped. Certainly this one isn't quite to that level, but I think we need to talk about it just the same.
This Man-Rule is: Don't Wear Capri Pants.
"But John," you say. "Aren't capri pants made for women? Why would a Man ever wear them in the first place?" And I say, "Tell that to the people who make Levi's jeans, because they're trying to sell them to guys."
"What!?" you say in consternation. "Why would they DO such a silly thing?"
And I say, "Apparently their button-fly closures are a little too tight, and it's cutting off the blood supply to their brains."
Lest you think I'm making this up, take a gander at this promotional image from the Levi's site:
And they have no shame about this at all. The image is plainly labeled "Men's Capris."
Now, this is wrong on so many levels, I can't begin to count them. The very name "capri" is a French term, from the French words "ca" (meaning "pants") and "pri" (meaning "that Men shouldn't wear").
It's perfectly fine for women to wear capris, because the things are designed to show off shapely calves. Can you imagine the comments a guy would get if he wore this to his poker night? "Yo, Butch, shapely calves you got there. Between your taut yet supple muscles and the light dusting of hair across your legs, it reminds me of a guy I used to know in prison."
Look, I know fashions change. For example, look at the uniform shorts worn by NBA players just 20 years ago, and compare them to the two-legged tents they wear today. But capris for Men will never become fashionable. I think I'd have a better chance of explaining to my wife why I had an eel up my butt than I would trying to justify wearing these pants.
Newsflash!
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(c) 2013 John Puckett
I think when a guy wears them, they're supposed to be called pedal pushers or clam diggers. So that, you know, it seems like there's a functional reason for the high waters look. Hang on, I'll check.
ReplyDeleteOuch. Wikipedia says of capris, "Widely popular with women, they are also worn by men in many countries, especially in Europe, Latin America and Asia." Sorry, guy.
On the other hand, although it doesn't say so in wiki, I think most people locally think of capris as form fitting and cuffless. So you could call the pants in the picture pedal pushers with no problem. Pity that Levi's is using the C word.
It's kind of you to want to defend the goobers at Levi Strauss, Yllaria, but facts is facts. They want Men to wear capris, despite the fact it plainly says in the Bible (I think it's in Third Thessalonians): "Yea, though demons may rage and prices of capri pants may plummet to pre-Sodom and Gomorrah levels, thou shalt not weareth the capris lest thy be mocked by true Men."
DeleteWell I guess that Navi personnel should not have worn crop pants long ago.
DeleteAnd if you want to quote the Bible then we should only eat fish and stay away from any type of red meat and it says men should not wear garments belonging to women but then why don't men wear toga or a sarong or loin cloth but we moved on right so get over yourself and move on.
Triggered much? That's not an actual Bible quote. So maybe get over yourself...
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ReplyDeleteJohn, I feel your pain being victimized in the long-waged feminazi cause to achieve 'equality' through the obliteration of gender distinction (ever heard of or wondered about 'boyfriend' clothes?). Rudy Gernriech, Norma Kamali, and Mary Quant (to name a few) have been at it for decades, But self-imposed repressive entrenchment is not the answer. Quit ceeding gender fashion distinction or you will end up wearing only a barrel held up by suspenders (because women would NEVER wear that). If gender war activists sell women into wearing traditional menswear like shortalls, coveralls, jumpsuits (all with non/functional flys they couldnt use anyway)you should persist in wearing them ONLY IF YOU LOOK GOOD IN THEM. Afer all, the founding fathers werent called the founding mothers for wearing capris, were they?
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree completely! Even though you used a lot of big words, and I'm not entirely sure exactly what you said.
Deleteany stereotype of thinking towards what men should not wear based on 'social narrow-mindedness' should be forsaken. Basically, I felt offended by seeing girls on short shorts and daisy duke. What do they think? Why do they even leave home wearing a small piece of garments (shorts are home wearing clothes) ? Why would surrounding people (parents, brothers, ...) allow them to work out wearing nothing but a pair of short shorts? Californian girls are so rude..(Guys should wear short shorts, above-knee, mid thigh, up thigh shorts, tight clothes, and daisy dukes. I mean they should be able to wear in public without being given second glance or judges. Shorts are traditionally men friends. OR Guys are more polite and authentic, so we dress better - considering holey jeans and some clothes of bad girl style are freakingly horrible and dirty..., so it is more likely girls can express their bad side and naughty wildly, boldly and hostilely?) .I feel pity for them and feel like they are a bit wasted..
DeleteIt's a modern age, men should have same rights and equality in fashion too. What people do and fight for gender equality might forget is that men need not to be judged by women, other men and the society on whatever they pull on. Dressing on skirts should be too much of a saying. I mean men should be able to wear any kinds of pants, undies, jeans, jeggings, leggings and meggings without being harshly judged by the society.
@Siiri. Keep spamming that post. I've seen it many times on many sites devoted to this subject. Yes, wear what you want to wear. But don't cry if other people laugh at you. Don't whine if you don't have any friends. These posts are are not for us, they're for you. We trying to inform you that you look ridiculous. Now, if you live in an area where everyone has the same tastes as you and you don't wander out of said area, then do as you please..
DeleteI've got beat up knees. If I have to kneel on rough surfaces and don't want to wear cement worker's knee pads, a pair of denim capris does the trick, and still is cooler (some air flow) than full long pants. Looks don't matter for me in this case.
ReplyDeleteHey, Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteGreat comment. I have seen all my construction buddies wearing them too. They are popular all over the world - - if you are confident of who you are, wear them man!
I honestly had no idea that construction workers wore capri pants. (And there's a sentence no one has ever typed in the history of the universe.) I also had no idea that the lower calves and ankles were significant factors in how warm a person could feel.
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ReplyDeleteI like capris, I can move better and I look like a pirate. I don't like shorts.
ReplyDeleteI think men shouldn't even know the word fashion
ReplyDeleteI wear them because they are so comfortable along with other women pants! Don’t care what others think. It’s all about being comfortable in your own skin! Nothing else matters!
ReplyDeleteIf anyone is interested I'm considering making tube tops for men, I think they would complement the cropped pants nicely.
ReplyDeleteI just want to let you know how wrong this entire post is. First off, Capris are named after an Italian island named.....CAPRI! A quick google search will prove that. Also, who the FUCK are you to tell me what I'm allowed to wear, what is 'manly'. Like fuck off. As if your the ultimate man or something. Its bullshit, just so your aware.
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